Every person needs to take one day away . . . Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.  
- Maya Angelou

If you don’t come apart for a while,
you will come apart after a while.
- Dallas Willard

Growing up in the church, a retreat was an event, a several-day experience that came with experiential and social expectations. It was a time of bustle and groups, a time to be seen and to see, to be fed some interesting material perhaps and come away with some kind of spiritual high. Not to say larger group retreats are not valuable experiences—they certainly are, and in the past we’ve enjoyed going on family retreats, mother-daughter retreats, and the occasional marriage retreat.

But retreat as spiritual practice is something different. It’s a concept that is somewhat foreign to our culture, but that I’ve come to find is one of the indispensable practices of life. Think about it: if we believe that God is the center of our existence, that all our being and doing should come from that center and serve to glorify Him, then how often are we actually spending time with Him? Time without distractions, multi-tasking, or the possibility of being interrupted? We might give him a few minutes squeezed into our day, maybe an hour here and there in our week. But doesn’t your soul long for more? Isn’t there a sense in which we spend most of our days focusing on a reality that isn’t always grounded in spiritual reality?

A personal spiritual retreat is simply extended time spent in solitude with God. I think of it as going on a date with God: it is a day when I can turn my attention entirely to him, and to myself only as within a consciousness of His presence. I don’t bring any expectations into the time, other than a desire to spend it with God. As Seth Dickson, who often leads prayer retreats at our church, advises, “do not acquire an epiphany.”

Typically, it takes at least a few hours to feel that I am extracted from the demands of daily life: a day, or as much of the day as I can manage, is even better. Overnight is wonderful, but harder to do in our stage of life. These days, I’ll sit down with my husband and plan out one day a month for each of us to take as a personal retreat; pre-COVID we aimed to do an overnight retreat once or twice a year. Experiences vary, but usually there is a sense of regaining perspective, of listening to God in an extended way, of experiencing and examining our own longings, emotions, or thoughts. Sometimes it is simply a time of physical rest.

For those new to the practice, there are tips below on how to prepare, as well as one suggestion for how to structure the time that I found helpful when starting. There are many other guides one could use as well. One last thing: it’s always astounding how many reasons come up each month for me to cancel my retreat day—inevitably, something pressing arises that tempts me to just postpone the time. But I have never regretted sticking with it. 

Preparing for Retreat

1. Block out regular time in your calendar: this must be done in advance, and typically a monthly frequency is good, for a duration of at least half a day or more. Inform your family or others who may need to know.

2. Plan a space: it is important to leave the house; look for a place that allows for solitude and silence. Ideas include local retreat centers (these may offer day use of their grounds, with or without meals or a bedroom), public parks, a friend’s backyard, a church building or yard, or your spouse’s office on a weekend (that worked for me on rainy days when options were limited during the pandemic). 

3. Pack your bag: bring your Bible, journal, food and drink. You may also want to bring helpful reading material (let me know if there is interest in a book list), or an item or two to set the tone, such as a candle, meaningful object, or favorite scarf. Be wary of bringing tech devices unless you plan on using them sparingly. 

Retreat Day

(adapted from Invitation to Solitude and Silence by Ruth Haley Barton)

1. Calm yourself.

2. Tell God what you want and what you need today. If you are tired, rest first for one hour or more (nap or lie quietly), being conscious that you are doing so at God’s invitation.

3. Begin noticing what is true about you these days: answer each question fully and listen to God’s response.

   a. What is your physical condition lately? Are you tired? Energized? Satisfied with your health and fitness? Eating well?

   b. What concerns or questions are on your mind? How has your mind been working it out, and what is the result? Go on a meditative walk, carrying your questions and waiting.

   c. What is the condition of your soul these days? What are your concerns? Successes? Where do you hurt? Bring the uncensored truth to God, as a child would to a parent.

4. Reflect at the end of the time: How are you doing now? What happened between you and God? Any shifts or changes? Anything you know more clearly? Any invitation or guidance from God? How will you respond? Thank God for his presence.